No, really.

For the low, low price of $1,500 Ameros Patriotic U.S. Dollars, you can BUY GLENN BECK, on the internet, and do whatever you want with him, for a whole night!

That is actually not true at all, but the reality is arguably more horrifying:

Evidently all the proceeds go the charity or something, although I suspect this “City of Hope” is probably just a cluster of hobo tents where Beck and Michele Bachmann warm their hands over piles of burning books and try to shoot down flying imams with pellet guns.

Anyway, bid, FOR AMERICA!